great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
