someone get that fucking seahorse.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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