I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
