I wish I could punch you in the face.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
