therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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