Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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