I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
