Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize