I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
