maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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