So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
