YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
