I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
