she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
