there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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