what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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