if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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