Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need a beard to bite.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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