in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
