Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
