At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
