i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
