Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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