So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
