She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
