Three words: puerto rican gang bang
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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