Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
