I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
