I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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