I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
