The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
