there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
