So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
