i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
