Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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