I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
