i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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