i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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