There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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