So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
