Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
