i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You took a bar mat shot.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
