i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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