Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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