your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize