can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
