if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
