Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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