we're chasing vodka with high fives
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
