i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
