I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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