he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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