I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
