We won't sleep together?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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