We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
