i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
