he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
