i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
