I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
