I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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