She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
