i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
