i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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