I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
