I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
