watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
