you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
