...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
