Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
