i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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