Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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