Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
