both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
