Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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