Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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